At Imbolc I posted an entry assessing the year ahead. It wasn’t a very positive outlook. We’ve just passed the Summer Solstice so I thought it appropriate to have a mid-year review. I’m afraid that my negative comments in February were not without foundation and the year has really only gone downhill since then.
Only a week or so after that entry, my very excellent grandfather on my mum’s side, Jack Besley Arter passed away, aged 99 years. It hit me fairly hard, even though he had been ill for a long time and we all knew that it was coming.
The decision was made to relocate back to Yorkshire, to be near my family, but progress on that has been very slow so far, thanks to the heel-dragging of insurance companies, mortgage lenders and so on. I have had no luck job hunting and feel very disheartened about that right now, although things look better on that front for my OH.
And this morning my paternal grandmother, Barbara Lyne passed away after a fairly rapid decline in the last couple of months. I was more prepared this time and I went through a period of grief when I first learned how ill she was a few weeks ago. I had automatic negative thoughts about my inability to make her proud of me, my failures as a grand daughter and so on. Talks with my dad helped me to come to grips with my feelings and memories of my relationship with her and I understand much better now that I had never been close to her because my dad wasn’t close with her. I can accept that anything I perceived as a lack of interest in me on her part was largely down to the generation gap and absolutely nothing personal. I am much better equipped to cope with her passing, now that I have worked out my feelings about our relationship.
My thoughts go out to those she leaves behind; my great aunt Connie and my one remaining grandparent, granddad Jim. They will struggle now, I think and I can only send them my best wishes and hope that their remaining years will not be too lonely. My parents, aunt and cousins are all on hand to help over the coming weeks and months, although I know my aunt will grieve badly too.
I wonder if that is the end of the difficult period. I hope that the remainder of 2008 is more positive. I have significant life changes to throw myself into, I have to grab control of my life again and make the most of these next few months to ensure that I get all I want from life. It’s in my hands, not the gods’.
Only a week or so after that entry, my very excellent grandfather on my mum’s side, Jack Besley Arter passed away, aged 99 years. It hit me fairly hard, even though he had been ill for a long time and we all knew that it was coming.
The decision was made to relocate back to Yorkshire, to be near my family, but progress on that has been very slow so far, thanks to the heel-dragging of insurance companies, mortgage lenders and so on. I have had no luck job hunting and feel very disheartened about that right now, although things look better on that front for my OH.
And this morning my paternal grandmother, Barbara Lyne passed away after a fairly rapid decline in the last couple of months. I was more prepared this time and I went through a period of grief when I first learned how ill she was a few weeks ago. I had automatic negative thoughts about my inability to make her proud of me, my failures as a grand daughter and so on. Talks with my dad helped me to come to grips with my feelings and memories of my relationship with her and I understand much better now that I had never been close to her because my dad wasn’t close with her. I can accept that anything I perceived as a lack of interest in me on her part was largely down to the generation gap and absolutely nothing personal. I am much better equipped to cope with her passing, now that I have worked out my feelings about our relationship.
My thoughts go out to those she leaves behind; my great aunt Connie and my one remaining grandparent, granddad Jim. They will struggle now, I think and I can only send them my best wishes and hope that their remaining years will not be too lonely. My parents, aunt and cousins are all on hand to help over the coming weeks and months, although I know my aunt will grieve badly too.
I wonder if that is the end of the difficult period. I hope that the remainder of 2008 is more positive. I have significant life changes to throw myself into, I have to grab control of my life again and make the most of these next few months to ensure that I get all I want from life. It’s in my hands, not the gods’.
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