Six Month Review

At Imbolc I posted an entry assessing the year ahead. It wasn’t a very positive outlook. We’ve just passed the Summer Solstice so I thought it appropriate to have a mid-year review. I’m afraid that my negative comments in February were not without foundation and the year has really only gone downhill since then.

Only a week or so after that entry, my very excellent grandfather on my mum’s side, Jack Besley Arter passed away, aged 99 years. It hit me fairly hard, even though he had been ill for a long time and we all knew that it was coming.

The decision was made to relocate back to Yorkshire, to be near my family, but progress on that has been very slow so far, thanks to the heel-dragging of insurance companies, mortgage lenders and so on. I have had no luck job hunting and feel very disheartened about that right now, although things look better on that front for my OH.

And this morning my paternal grandmother, Barbara Lyne passed away after a fairly rapid decline in the last couple of months. I was more prepared this time and I went through a period of grief when I first learned how ill she was a few weeks ago. I had automatic negative thoughts about my inability to make her proud of me, my failures as a grand daughter and so on. Talks with my dad helped me to come to grips with my feelings and memories of my relationship with her and I understand much better now that I had never been close to her because my dad wasn’t close with her. I can accept that anything I perceived as a lack of interest in me on her part was largely down to the generation gap and absolutely nothing personal. I am much better equipped to cope with her passing, now that I have worked out my feelings about our relationship.

My thoughts go out to those she leaves behind; my great aunt Connie and my one remaining grandparent, granddad Jim. They will struggle now, I think and I can only send them my best wishes and hope that their remaining years will not be too lonely. My parents, aunt and cousins are all on hand to help over the coming weeks and months, although I know my aunt will grieve badly too.

I wonder if that is the end of the difficult period. I hope that the remainder of 2008 is more positive. I have significant life changes to throw myself into, I have to grab control of my life again and make the most of these next few months to ensure that I get all I want from life. It’s in my hands, not the gods’.

Something in the air?

Gig - The New Root - Saturday 31st May 2008 - The Croft

Maybe there was something in the air at last night's New Root gig. Waiting in the bar before the bands started, Dave told me he was feeling nervous. Fresh from the band's second UK tour and having performed countless times by now, this was a little surprising. He explained the feeling he had that in Bristol there is more expectation from the crowd than when they play in other parts of the country where they are still relatively unknown.

I can certainly see how after a string of performances around the country to smaller audiences who have no idea what to expect from TNR, a packed gig at The Croft could have that effect on experienced performers. There may well be a high level of expectation from their Bristol fan base, however, I explained to him, their loyal fans will enjoy the show tremendously no matter how well they feel they have performed afterwards.

TNR's material is so exceptional now, after an extended period of creativity that has brought a richness and depth to their set quite beyond their youth. Well, it stands on its own. And Trish performs with such natural, but understated charisma that they very rarely need to be concerned about pleasing the audience. A few technical problems or the odd lapse in cohesiveness will largely go unnoticed by the crowd, or if they do notice, they likely won't care.

I can only speak for myself, but generally I care less about a perfectly polished performance from a band and more about how they engage with the audience and how their material sounds live. These are two things that TNR manage every time I see them.

But there was something even more potent about last night's gig. I came away feeling incredibly emotional. Songs I have heard a dozen times or more moved me in new ways, Crazy had me in tears and Sick of Me fired me up almost to combustion! It hit me as we were congratulating them on an awesome show and heading home afterwards that Andy and I may not be able to see TNR as regularly as we're used to soon. Though their tours are taking them to Sheffield and Hull these days, so I'm sure we will see them in Yorkshire and I don't doubt that we will visit Bristol occasionally when they have big gigs here, but our special place at the front of the crowd won't be ours any more.

More than this, of course is how much I will miss two very dear friends of almost ten years when we move away. With ex-Root bassist Craigos moving to London this certainly feels like the end of an era. My hope is that these moves will open up exciting new doors for TNR with the opportunities for more touring and the fans we can introduce from our new locations. Those that we have introduced in Bristol will undoubtedly continue to attend the gigs without us and there are whole other groups of friends, old and those yet to be made, just waiting to be inspired by this incredible band.